I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
