I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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