Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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