Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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