"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
