you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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