I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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