so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
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