Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
