if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
