She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
