I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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