after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He better not be in your backpack
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
