He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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