in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here