is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
