Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.