I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
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sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
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Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.