I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
