I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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