i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
