No, you can still breathe under the balls.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Your cock deserves a montage
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
