FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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