there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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