Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
