I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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