So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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