seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
