it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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