i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
