I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
