I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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