What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
