I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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