he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
