I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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