Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
