Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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