Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
