Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
