So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
