That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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