I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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