I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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