Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
