grandma shit on top of the toilet
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
