The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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