getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
All I want is dick and wine.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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