If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize