They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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