with your own penis?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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