but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
