I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
