College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
