went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
