nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
