So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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