Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
