I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
