I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
