If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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