I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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