omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
