Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Randomize
