an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
