I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
