you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
