The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
