it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
