He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
