I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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