Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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