With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
