apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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