Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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