I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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